Being human in this world involves two inevitable things : being offended (we are hurt by others) and offending someone (we hurt others). It is almost impossible to live life without doing either, ain’t it? In both cases we nuture bitterness, hatred and resentful feelings against our offender. We hold that against them for as long as we live. We might not notice it in the beginning but these sorts of feelings take us down that nasty road of ‘Unforgiveness’. We may be on the right side of the issue. But, ‘being unforgiving helped me’ said no one ever. The solution for the two things I mentioned earlier is : to forgive and to receive forgiveness.
Of the many lessons God has taught me, the most profound one, to me, is that of ‘forgiveness’! oh, what tremendous relief one can experience in forgiving someone that has wronged them, wilfully or otherwise. I have read much and heard a handful of sermons on the topic. But nothing, except the grace, love & forgiveness of Jesus in bitter & trying circumstances, helped me to know what it means to forgive another as well as to receive forgiveness.
Personally, I find some offences easier to forgive than others. There are times I find it is easy to forgive certain people, say like children or strangers who unintentionally hurt me. But it is an extremely arduous task to forgive our enemies, sometimes family or friends who turned into foes. I think in general, we find it harder when we realise that they wronged us with an intention of harming us.
Let me share two incidents in my life in which God taught me to forgive. The first one: a subordinate at work had stolen some of my stuff and when I politely confronted her about it, she replied rather harshly and accused me of things I hadn’t said. By the end of the conversation, I was fuming with anger at her callous attitude and wanted to take it to the HR dept, with an intention of suspending her, atleast for a couple of days, for all the ruckus she’s causing. I mean I was justified and was in the right in this matter by all means. How could you talk with such arrogance to another person, much less to a superior at work? Later that day, I went to a chapel in a hospital to pray. As I sat there, God reminded me of how he put up with Judas Iscariot. Jesus knew him and his greed for money. Jesus knew he was stealing from the treasury. Instead of punishing or publicly ridiculing Judas, He chose to forgive him on multiple occasions. I got the message. Immediately, I prayed there in that chapel for God to help me forgive that junior staff with all my heart without holding any grudges. And God did help me. I was able to put to practice, the prayer we prayed every morning at my workplace, “Lord, forgive our sins as we forgive those who sin against us”.
The next incident is rather too personal and I do not want to get to the knit-gritty, but it involved being betrayed by close family at a time I least expected it. To top that, everyone blamed me for the predicament we found ourselves in. I was heartbroken and felt so alone during those days. My heart was filled with enormous amounts of bitterness and resentment towards the ones who hurt me. I decided I wouldn’t let anyone else come that close to me to hurt me like that ever again. I became quieter at home, somedays I barely said a single word to anyone. But internally I was screaming in pain and turmoil. I was so hurt that it started to affect my health. I started to have unexplainable weakness in my body. Everywhere I turned, I was constantly reminded of the painful wounds they inflicted on me. Through it all I never hated God, but had stopped reading the Bible and praying. I cried to God, like Hagar in the wilderness, everyday. Then, one day I just couldn’t take it anymore and decided I wanted to move out of the house and that is the only way I could get better, atleast physically. By God’s grace I found a job a couple hundred miles from home and immediately moved there. Slowly but surely, God healed me of my wounds & hurt. I began reading God’s word again, praying again. Over the following months, God did nothing but to show that He loved me, tolerated and forgave me- not only now, but even when I was an enemy to him (Rom 5:8). And this Love of God compelled me to imitate Christ; which finally (after many, many months ) lead me to forgive all those who hurt me with my whole heart, leaving not one single emotion of bitterness within me.
Oh! What liberty was waiting for me on the other side. If only I had known earlier, I would have forgiven them much quicker! From the outside, it looked as if nothing had changed. But something within me had. Days felt brighter. I found life to be more fulfilling when I truly forgave them. There is definitely power in forgiveness. I suddenly possessed such peace. And, I knew this was the life Christ died for me to have.
The first incident took me only a few hours to forgive someone but the other one took me way longer. The point I want to get across is, we all take time, sometimes, to forgive. And that’s okay! We are all human and we cope to similar situations differently. But what is needed is the willingness to eventually deal with the issue and reach the haven of forgiveness. The world may look at it as being weak-willed and unassertive but the truth is, it takes courage in colossal amounts to truly forgive someone that has hurt you deeply. It sounds soo unreasonable to let them go. The mind says “but how can you let them walk over you like that, and then not do anything about it?” But that’s how the Kingdom of God functions with. According to Him, the meek shall inherit the earth. This isn’t something you can make someone understand unless you experience it yourself.
I would like to end with a quote I found interesting, in a Christian movie I watched recently. The movie was on the theme of ‘forgiveness’ and it ended with the protagonist saying, “forgiveness doesn’t change the past, but it enlarges the future”.